I turned 27 this year and I just came to the point of my life as a Christian where I felt the urgency to study the Holy Bible and understand it as a whole.
I was born and raised in a Christian family. I was born from a family of believers and received a privilege to be dedicated to God by the faith of my parents. I claim (sort of) my own faith in the age of 16. From there on, I grew up seeing myself as a Christian.But, the fact is I do not fully understand my faith. And I did not ask questions! Because of that, in my college years I was turned into a skeptic then agnostic then sometimes a church-goer and started to think that morality is the only thing that matter… so every faith is the same. But, I did nothing to satisfy my skepticism. Well, I could say I only ran away from God and sometimes came back to Him to ask something (that’s when I became a church-goer). During that time, my off-on relationship with God was always made me reflect to the year of 2006. The year where I am reminded of God’s faithfulness and to surrender fully to his will. That He has the master-plan for everything.
2006. I went through a personal turmoil when I was 17. I was so thrilled when God answered my prayer with a “Yes” to be accepted in the nation’s best university. I was also in denial when He answer “No” for my Mama recovery. I lost my Mama that year. God taught me to surrender and “see” everything in His plan in this hardest possible way. But His plan is indeed beautiful. The joy and lessons coming from that year and the life without my Mama has made me the way I am today. This year has always been my ultimate reflection in faith, that during my doubtful time in college I always had the calling to come back. And though I was retracting, He kept on pursuing me. He has always been so good to me.
In the last four years, I had a turning point in 2012 where I was reminded that Jesus is the center of everything. I believe again, in a sense that I tried to dive back in to my old believe. I tried to come back in but I felt that Christianity (actually, the church, the pastor, the humans) had failed me. I understand now that my misunderstanding is merely because I didn’t study and understood the unique message of the Bible as a whole!
And now I have the urgency to study it.
The first driver was because recently I was given an opportunity to see the bible afresh from a series of Scripture engagement sessions and sermons in #YLG2016. Let alone that I had those sessions with the global church. Wow, it was an amazing experience! Life changing, rather. I give thanks to The Lord for that opportunity. Also, during the conference, my friend introduced me to this fantastic resource: jointhebibleproject.com !!! Check it out and you can see that God has His faithful servants do a marvelous job in making everyone got the unique and true message of The Bible, especially when you are a visual learner like I am! I am forever grateful to find their work!
The second driver was because of that amazing encounter with sermons and bible-teaching, I started to realize that I do have doubts, questions about Christianity- the doctrines, the bible, the law… yes… A LOT of them! I am starting to list them now in this post and i’s kind of this post (this blog rather) is all about: my journey in answering my questions as a follower of Christ.
My faith told me to be still and just believe, but my human mind kept boggling with these questions. I am so happy and excited, because that means I am entering my student mode in reading the bible! I ask questions! I want to search for answers to those questions.
Yea… so me, LOL. Thank you, Lord for Google!
The phrase I typed was “Question your Christianity” and the top article listed was from this site: http://www.lifeway.com/Article/ministry-Why-its-OK-to-question-your-faith
And I found a comforting and confirming quote from that article:
Doubt is not comfortable. But don’t ignore it. Be honest with yourself and others about it. Allow the tension you feel in your heart and mind because of your doubt drive you into God’s Word and prayer more regularly. You might just come out on the other side with a greater, deeper, more meaningful understanding of God than you’ve ever had.
…your doubt drive you into God’s Word and prayer more regularly.
Wow! I stopped for a while. I do feel that tension in my heart and mind to dig deeper into God’s word from now on. I never thought I will ever have this feeling before! Never before! I believe that from this very moment God wants to teach me and all I have to do is making myself available. Yes, Lord, I am available! Teach me!